Barbara Millicent Roberts

This has been a long time coming, but ive always had a fascination about oddities in the universe around us.

Anything from fat people that complain about being fat, or the man down-stairs that looks abnormal due to him sporting the "negative sideburns" look, to crop circles, anal probes and Christianity.

I once read an article about a 12,000 year-old Natufian Shaman that was found in Northern Israel, and she was buried with over 50 Tortise Shells - this seems strange due to the fact that i did not know that Israel had Tortises.

Today i will be presenting you with some other strange facts and stories that will enlighten you and give you fact wanker bragging rights to your friends and family. And just some general facts/rules about life that must be obeyed.



Facts are as follwed.


1. Bluetooth headsets should never ever be worn outside of a moving vehcile, even then, you're still a fucking BlueTool. Stick to a handsfree kit, its the safest, most un-wankerish way to ensure you dont get a beating by the cool kids.

2. Barbies full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts and if she was real, she would be 7 feet 2 inches tall.

Thats a big bitch.

HA shit, i didnt even notice that Barbie also has become a BlueTool. Talk about role model. Girls! Quick! Being a nerd is hot!

Thats hot.
What the heck was Matel thinking when they released this version? Barbie 2.0? 

NextGen Barbie? 

Binary Barbie? 

Bine-alicious Babe Barbie With Bitchin' Bluetooth.

Ill bet whoever owns this, also owens pointy ears and has a subscription to StarTrek Monthly.

3. Saint George....FAKE.

Now we all know the story [i don't, im just presuming that you knowlegeable readers out there do] about Saint George.

Something something, slayed a "dragon" came back, became King...or something along those lines.

Those lines that i'm most interested in are the ones concerning the "Dragon"

This is complete and utter rubbish. 

Never once has a dragon existed, and there never will be any living creatur that can breathe fire. its just physically impossibe. FOR it to happen, you [being the dragon], would need some sort of pilot light burning in your throat continouously, and then somehow be able to vommit up combustable liquid/gas in the blink of an eye. Vommiting up last nights 3am kebab is pain enough, imagine it being flaming kerosene!!

                         [ASIDE: I once did the 'spit the kero on a flame and make it look like you're breathing fire..accidently swallowed a drop or four of the Kero, i was burping up splendid kero flavours for the next 48 hours, its like burping up salami, but burnier]

So this brings me to the main point of fact #3, what the hell did Saint George ACTUALLY do?

Nothing, i bet he just ran into a cave, fell over, cut open his noggin, splashed a bit of clarret on his clothes and waited till morning then claimed to have killed a dragon. Clumbsy bastard never did shit.

4. Christianity, one of the worlds most popular religious beliefs [if you wern't sure of it] is built on a whole bunch of pagan beliefs and motions.

Take Christmas for example, one of the most treasured Christian dates. In paganism, the winter solsitce was celebrated in a festival called Saturnalia, held between 17th and 24th December, which began in the days of the Roman Empire. This was a week of feasting, gift-giving and an excuse for an orgy during the Northern Hemisphere's winter solstice. The reasoning behind this was to give the Sun a nudge to mother earth and bring on some warmer weather - and sure enough - Spring followed. 

However, celebrating the winter solstice was forbidden and a big No No by the early Roman Church, but customs survived anyway and it didn't take much to tempt Christians to join in the solstice feast in honour of the Pagan god Mithra. So the church provided an 'alternative' with a festival in honour of the birth of Christ and celebrations were definitely in order.

5.  This is a picture of a cat that was born with 4 ears. Its pretty rad.

Deformed, yes. Awesome, yes.

I have a cat, his name is Glenn. Yes, double 'N'

He only has two ears.

Goodnight Neverland.

Dean Jacobs