The Stranger in Moscow

This is a true story. scary as it may be. continue reading please.



a few months ago me and the boys decide to hit the city up and paint it a shade of red never seen before. After drinking solidly at home, smashing down the doritos and lagers. We decide its time to make our way to the train station and bestow our might upon the unknowing city life.



So, with bladders brimmed, we brave the no toiletless trains for a total of 3 stops before the first victim of baby bladder surcomes to pain and breaks the seal out the carrige joining doors. Soon enough there was a constant flow of people to the temporary toilet. All returning with the same satisfied smile on their faces as if they had just completed the greatest feat ever known to mankind.



Next stop Kings Cross....

And so it begins...



One shot, two shot, three shot, Beer....







Beer. Sit. Breathe....let those puppies settle first.



F**k it...finish the beer and get up and dance.



Dammit i can dance.

Burning the floor, slaying the moves, left, right, left, left, spin. So smooth.

Time flew. I had been grooving on the DF for over a hour without any drink to sustain me.

( By now you are probably thinking...jeez this bastard has quite the unsustainable drinking problem - his liver will not make the weeks end - to you i say...Rack OFF! let me get pissed and dance and get on with my rambling story)



so im standing at the bar all alone and who should i see, but one of my mates..looking too sober to function...

*slides over*

Me: "sup"

Mate 1: "sup"

Me: *nod towards to the Absinthe bottle on the shelf*

Mate: "really?"

Me: "Really!"

Mate: - To Bartender - "4 Shots of Absinthe please kind sir"

Me: - To Bartender - " 4 Shots of Absinthe please kind sir"

1, 2, 3, 4....done....dont lose em..think un drunk thoughts.

ok by now i was well done...and this is where the memory ends....just as the Green Fairy touches the outer part of my lips...BAM...memory loss complete

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its morning...im naked...im in my bed...i think.



F**k my head hurts...F**kin Absinthe....Every time!

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There is something warm on my chest..its heavy...WTF is that?

Gingerly i feel up my chest...as i reach the heavy item resting on my shirtless chest. I reconise the shape...its a hand...

(Immediate thoughts - shit did i get laid last night, dammit i dont remember)



I continue to feel the hand...

"hmm" this hand is pretty big....



I reach the knuckles.............................."HOLY F**K ITS A MANS HAND"

(This is when i panic..)



So many thoughts run though my head...


"Shit, did i get taken home by a dude"

"Shit, did I take home a dude"

"No way, i dont like guys, its gotta be a manly girl"

"Did i get raped"

"F**K!!"

"omg omg omg omg omg omg"

"i gotta get out of here!"



i feel a little further down the hand...too scared to sit up and possibly wake whoever is next to me...i feel the arm...

YEP....definitly a dude...

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"wait...."

i feel further around....

the arm bends unsually towards me....





Its my own arm...



Turns out i must have slept on my arm, it went dead and i woke up with it completely numb on my chest.



Its ok Dear Listener, it was just a but frightening.



Note to all you out there....feel all the way down the arm, make sure its not your own before letting your mind run crazy with obscene thoughts.



Stay tuned and stay cool kids.