Tips For Life.

\\Some people just suck at life.
Whether it be your hand-eye co-ordination is not worthy, your just plain not funny, or just that your IQ is that of a humble bumble bee.
Its just science...
BUT i can help you. Here is a list of useful everyday tips that ive got for you and your sucking life.

Dean Jacobs' Excellent (and thoroughly researched) Tips For Not
Sucking At Life.

1. Dont whistle when other people are whistling. It is infuriating to the original whistler. Wait your turn, and if u cant whistle good. DONT EVEN TRY.




2. Toast always landing Buttered side down?? Firstly stop being a klutz and dropping your food. But if you insist on dropping it, place your toast a little higher (ie place it on top of the fridge instead of the kitchen bench).
Why you ask? Physics!! The turning motion of the toast when falling from a height such as a kitchen bench is such that it will rotate half a turn, and onto the buttered side. BUT if you place it higher, then the motion will be one full rotation (approx) and then your toast will land sunny side up.




3. Im a (WAS a) bandit for this one. Spilling coffee when you come back from the tea room to your desk. Everytime i venture back with a tea or coffee, without fail i spill it...untill now.
What ive discovered is that if you move your coffee cup up and down in a smooth motion whilst walking...it cancels out the wobble in the coffee and stops it from spilling. its to do with Inertia, the up and down motion causes the liquid to exert inertia forces on the cup and hold the liquid in a more steady state than that of just holding it straight.




4. Brush your teeth. You know who you are. NO it is not okay to skip it 'just this once'. Your breath F**KING STINKS, it makes my eyes burn and my skin flake.
Stop it...Okay?



5. When eating, shut your mouth!
Its plain manners. People don't want to see what the inside of your mouth looks like when your pig-eating a burger. And DONT PIG-EAT. Every meal DOESN'T have to be eaten as fast as the speed of light. Slow down, its not a race.



6. And finally, my last tip for today.
Just dont be so dumb. Why the hell are you reading this non-sensical crap.
Dont listen to me, im not even a real person, im an alter-ego.

Goodbye (Hej Da)